20 Funny Things to Write on Dirty Cars

Writing on vehicles has been an age-long practice. Every generation has done it and it seems like it is not stopping any time soon. When passing by a dirty car, you would notice that something has been scribbled on it.

If the car is extremely dusty, the write-up would be more visible. Most people go as far as drawing funny images on the car. You may have seen an extremely funny write-up that made you laugh really hard.

You also may have written something witty on probably your neighbor’s car. If you have been thinking of something interesting or humorous to write on a dirty vehicle, think no more.

In this article, we have compiled twenty (20) hilarious things that you can write on a person’s car and what it means.

20 Funny Things to Write on Dirty Cars

  1. Wash me
  2. I need scrubbers
  3. I wish my partner was this dirty
  4. Plough me
  5. No stools left here
  6. For sale
  7. Washed by Superman
  8. Not as dirty as the fifty shades of grey
  9. My owners are lazy, steal me.
  10. I hate the cops
  11. $10m inside.
  12. This is M&S dirty!
  13. Namaste
  14. Cleaner than the hospital.
  15. Available in other colors.
  16. Illegal immigrants on the move.
  17. We are watching
  18. I will one day rise to sparkle.
  19. I deserve better.
  20. Adopt me

Wash me

Funny Things to Write on Dirty Cars

Writing ‘wash me’ on vehicles is an agelong practice that most people do as children and even do now as adults. It is a sarcastic way of telling the owner of the car that his car is due for washing.

Sometimes the owner of the car may be too lazy to wash or too busy to go to the cleaners. So writing the humorous statementwash me’ will serve as a reminder to them.

The car could also have been abandoned and has been in a place collecting dust. There is no one to care for the car so writing wash me on it will make passersby laugh instead.

I need scrubbers

Another funny statement that can be written on a dirty and dusty vehicle is ‘I need scrubbers’. It is written in the first person to show that if the car could talk it would demand for washers.

It is a cry for help from the car requesting intense washing. The mention of scrubbers shows that the car is beyond cleaning or surface washing. It needs deep scrubbing and cleaning.

I wish my partner was this dirty

This is an infamous naughty statement that can be written on a dirty vehicle. It could be written by a male or a female. The writer does not mean that their spouse was that dirty physically.

That would be unhygienic and unhealthy to live with. The writer means that they wish that their spouse was really naughty and playful in the bedroom. They want an exciting relationship with their partner hence the write-up.

Plough me

When you plough a car, you crash into it violently. It may be that you were speeding or that you were distracted. When it happens, it is usually ruled as an accident.

So when a person writes plough me as a prank on a dirty vehicle, they are making a joke that if the owner does not wish to take care of it, it is better off destroyed.

It’s a practical explanation of cleanliness being next to godliness.”

No stools left here

This statement ‘No stools left here’ will be funny depending on which car it is written. For instance, if it is written in a lorry that empties septic tanks, then a person who sees it will likely catch the humor.

Writing it on an ordinary car could also be humorous because it will leave the audience wondering if the interior of the car is messed up. They may attempt to peek into the vehicle to see if a stool is actually there.

For sale

For sale’ is another humorous statement that can be written on a dirty car. A car that is put up for sale should appear clean and presentable, and should probably have the seller’s contact information.

However, written on a really dirty car, it will leave people wondering whether the owner truly intends to sell it. Most times, the owner does not even know that such a thing has been written on his car.

Imagine how hilarious it would be to have a stranger walk up to you asking if you wish to sell your vehicle just because you left it dirty.

Washed by Superman

The statement ‘Washed by Superman’ is as hilarious and unbelievable as it sounds. Firstly, every average adult knows that Superman is a fictional character created by filmmakers to give children a hero to look up to.

No one is ever a superhero. Secondly, if the car is still looking dirty, isn’t it ironic that a person wrote that it has been washed? When a person sees such write up they will have no choice but to laugh.

Therefore, if you are searching for something hilarious to write on a dirty car, this could be it.

Not as dirty as the fifty shades of grey

It is mostly readers who have read the popular Fifty Shades trilogy that will understand the humor in “Not as dirty as the Fifty Shades of Grey”.

The Fifty Shades trilogy is a story that talks about the journey of two lovers. The story has all sorts of kinky narratives and uses explicit language. Hence, it is considered dirty in a romantic way.

You can use this as a funny thing on a dirty vehicle but those who understand the joke will be somewhat limited.

My owners are lazy, steal me

My owners are lazy, steal me’ is as hilarious as it sounds. Obviously, a car is incapable of speaking thus there is no way it can condemn its owners.

Whoever wrote the statement is implying that if a person wishes to own a car then they should be willing to take care of it. Leaving a nice car to be very dirty is an eyesore.

It is acceptable where it is a one-time occurrence but where you know the owner as a habitual dirty person, this will suit such a person. Now you are not actually asking anyone to steal the car.

You are simply saying that if the car could speak, it would wish to stay with owners who take good care of it.

I hate the cops

I hate the cops” is a funny statement that expresses how a person feels about the cops. If the statement was written on an abandoned car, it could be overlooked as a prank.

Where the owner of the car is still active, it could put the person in trouble. A person only needs one bad experience with the cops to make up their mind about how they feel about the cops.

It is a funny statement because most people feel the same way; and if they were to see the write-up, they would laugh in agreement.

$10m inside

If you are looking to cause trouble with a funny statement then you may want to use this phrase ‘$10m inside’. A smart person would know that there is no way someone would have 10 million dollars inside a car and make it that obvious.

The person would attract the wrong attention. If the cops do not get to him first, then thieves will. However, not everyone is that smart. Most people would actually want to get a look at the interior of the vehicle to get the $10m.

If proper care is not taken, they may break into the vehicle to look for the prize money. This is a cause for a good laugh especially if you want to get back at a neighbor with a dirty car.

This is M&S dirty!

This is M&S dirty’ is another funny statement that you can write on a vehicle. It is a street slang used to show that a thing or a person is always extremely dirty.

If you are not from the street and you see this write-up written in your car, don’t fret. It is just a person passing a friendly message that you should learn to wash your car.


Namaste is popularly identified with the Hindus. It is a non-contact customary greeting used to recognize and honor a person. Writing namaste on a car is similar to writing any other form of greeting.

The concept is funny where the owner of the dirty car is an Indian. He may appreciate the attempt of the person to indirectly acknowledge his culture and extend a greeting.

Friendly neighbors can also use this as an ironic way to tell the owner that it is time to wash his car.

Cleaner than the hospital

The statement ‘Cleaner than the hospital’ is a sarcastic and hilarious remark which means that despite how dirty the car is, it is still cleaner than most hospitals.

That is to say that some hospitals are not well taken care of and despite being a place where people go for treatment, it is so unhygienic. This is in reference to the state of health sectors in the state.

It is a funny statement, but it is still an indirect dig to management in some hospitals that they should do better when it regards cleanliness of the hospital.

Available in other colors

A car can be so dirty that the color changes totally. For instance, a white car that has been abandoned in a place can gather so much dust that the color changes to brown.

When that happens, the statement ‘Available in other colors’ can then be written on the vehicle to show that if it can be washed it may recover its original color.

Illegal immigrants on the move

The statement ‘Illegal immigrants on the move’ can also be written on a very dirty car where the person wishes to be hilarious. The car may or may not be abandoned. Either way, whoever reads it will find it funny.

We are watching

The statement ‘We are watching’ sounds creepy which makes it extremely funny. Anyone who reads it will definitely look around in fear that it may be true. You could hide at a spot and watch them freak out while you have a good laugh.

If you intend to prank someone, then this is the best write-up to use.

I will one day rise to sparkle

Funny Things to Write on Dirty Cars

The statement ‘I will one day rise to sparkle’ is also a funny write-up that can be written on a car. It is written to mock the person who owns the car.

If the owner has the reputation of leaving his/her car constantly dirty, then this response is the car’s way of saying that one day, it will hopefully be clean.

I deserve better

The statement, ‘I deserve better’ is also another funny write-up that can be written on a dirty car. It is humorous because the writer is trying to communicate to the owner that if his car could talk, it would wish for an owner that would take better care of it.

Adopt me

The statement, ‘Adopt me’ is mostly written on abandoned cars. For instance, cars that have been parked at the airport and abandoned by the owners can have funny write-ups like “adopt me.”

To end with…

We have mentioned at least twenty (20) funny statements a person can write on a dirty car. It could be a prank or just an ironic sentence/phrase intended to make the reader smile.

Do you have a dirty car that has been parked anywhere around for some time, well, it’s time to make some passers-by have a good laugh. Pick one from the list and write on the dusty car.

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