20 Funny Roasts for Someone With No Friends

I’ve met a lot of people who are annoyingly introverted and have no friends. And I need no one to tell me how irritating it can be when they try to take pride in such a personality. We are social beings, and making friends should come naturally.

If you want to roast someone who is friendless, lonely, and perhaps nerdy, there are various easy ways to do it. The rookies will go after their looks. But the comebacks for such an attempt can leave you stranded.

So, if you really want to get a friendless person hopelessly riled up and become the subject of laughter, here are the best lines you can use:

Table of Contents

List of the Best 20 Hilarious Roast Punchlines For A Friendless Person

In many situations, how you deliver a roast is as important as what the roast punchline is about. So it’s not enough to just say these lines; I’ve provided a brief explanation to guide you on the effective delivery of these lines.

1. it’s nice that you have plants in your room to replace the oxygen that you waste

How to Roast Someone With No Friends

For lonely people, their room quickly becomes their cozy place, their escape from the world, and they might fill it with plants because they make them feel less lonely.

With this line, you are mocking not just their lack of friends but also the things that bring them comfort.  You can deliver the roast alternatively in these ways:

  • Having plants in your room must be friendly; at least they’re not bothered by your company.
  • Your room looks like a jungle! It must be handy having plants to replace the air you waste by talking to yourself.

2. You must be the life of the party… when the party is just you and your thoughts.

Call them the king of loneliness. This roast may initially sound like a compliment. But it’s actually suggesting that even when they’re alone, they’re not even good enough company for themselves. Double ouch! For someone without pals, this joke is a reminder of their lonely situation.

  • You must throw some wild solo parties… with just you and your thoughts.
  • You’re the life of the one-person party… where the only guest is you.

3.  Taking care of plants is not a suitable replacement for having friends, but I think you’re going to need more plants.

Imply to them that they replace human connection with plant care. It’s funny on the surface, but it also reminds them of their lack of friends.

So you’re telling them they are lonely, but at least plants didn’t ditch them.

  • Hey, maybe you should get more plants since they’re better listeners than your nonexistent friends!
  • You might want to invest in more plants—after all, they won’t stand you up like your pals do!

4. I bet your phone’s contact list is just your mom’s number listed a hundred times.

Give them the mom-dependence dig. You can use this line to imply that they’re so lonely the only person they have to talk to is their mom.

Not that there’s anything wrong with moms, but being teased about only having her number on your phone? Not cool. You can even put it this way:

  • I bet your phone only rings when your mom’s calling.
  • Your contact list must be just one entry: ‘Mom.’

5. You look like you just moved from Whoville and are trying too hard to be human

How to Roast Someone With No Friends

Use this classic simile to remind them that not only are they alone, but they’re also trying so hard to be like everyone else that it’s painfully obvious.

There’s only one thing this line does: it reminds the person how their efforts to connect with others seem to fall flat.

  • You look like you just walked out of a cartoon and are trying too hard to act normal.
  • You seem like you just stepped out of a storybook and are struggling to blend in with real life.

6. Are you allergic to friendship, or do you just enjoy solitude?

Ask them how they choose to be lonely on purpose. You are assuming that they don’t have friends because they don’t want any, not because they can’t find any. This will annoy the person.

So, for someone who’s already feeling lonely, this joke would make them feel like their loneliness is their fault.

  • Are you allergic to buddy-ups, or do you just dig the solo vibe?

7. I’m not saying you’re lonely, but even your shadow leaves you when it gets dark

Compare their loneliness to the shadow abandonment. They are so alone that even their shadow—the thing that’s always with them—abandons them at night.

So, even though you meant it as a light-hearted jab, it might end up making your friend feel even worse about their situation.

  • You’re so alone that even your shadow takes off at night.
  • You’re so friendless; your shadow is your only escape buddy.

8. Let me guess, you’re also vegan and bisexual

Play on the stereotype. People often joke about vegans and bisexuals as being trendy or unconventional.

So, by saying this line, you’re poking fun at the idea of the person being so ‘unique’ that they might have trouble making friends.

This is indeed a lighthearted one and won’t really piss them off.

It takes something severe and flips it on its head, leaving everyone laughing and the target of the joke smiling along, even if they’re the butt of it.

  • Let me guess, you’re also into tofu and rainbows?
  • So, you’re probably a fan of salad bars and pride parades, too, huh?

9. You’re so independent that even your imaginary friends found someone else

Turn the idea of being independent into a funny jab. Typically, imaginary friends are something kids have, right? But here, you’re using it to poke fun at the fact that your friend doesn’t have many real pals.

It means they are so alone they’re hanging out with make-believe buddies who even would prefer to find someone else.

  • You’re so independent that even your imaginary pals dumped you.
  • You’re so solo that your make-believe buddies ghosted you for better company.

10. Your glasses are more significant than her future

Pick on the glasses that make them look nerdy. So, this is a train of assumptions. For someone to be a loner, they are probably nerdy, and nerds are often on big glasses.

If that is the situation, you can make use of this line.

And it’s light-hearted teasing that anyone can find funny because it’s relatable—we’ve all worried about our plans at some point.

  • Her glasses are so big they’ve got their zip code!
  • Those glasses could double as a windshield—they’re that huge!

11. If loneliness were an art form, you’d be Picasso

Call them a masterpiece, being alone. Use this line as a lighthearted way to tease your friend about their lack of companionship.

It’s a roast that’s sure to leave everyone laughing, including your friend, who might just start seeing their loneliness in a whole new light.

So if you plan to piss them off, this is not the one to use.

  • If loneliness were a canvas, you’d be Picasso’s masterpiece!

12. Your plants want you to stop watering them

Tell them even their plants are tired of getting too much attention. Use the witty line to remind them that they are too lonely or overly focused on their plants instead of making friends.

And it’s short and memorable, so it sticks in people’s minds. So, when you want to tease someone who might not have many friends playfully, this line will give them something to think about.

  • Your plants are begging for a break from all the water.
  • Even your plants are like, ‘Enough with the watering!’

13. I roast you now, and you go back to finish your thesis on “the Patriarchy.”

I don’t know about you, but most of the people who have an intense focus on this topic usually don’t have many friends. So people will get the reference when you drop this line.

The line also plays on the idea that they’re so lonely they’d even welcome being roasted.

14. You look like a middle school math teacher who calls calculators “calcs” every time

Compare them to a nerdy maths teacher.  When you say they look like a middle school math teacher, it conjures up an image of someone kind of nerdy and out of touch.

Calling calculators “calcs” is a bit cringy, right? It’s like saying “cool beans” instead of just “cool.” It makes them seem even more uncool.

I like this line because it compares them to a math teacher and suggests they’re a bit uninteresting. It’s not just about looks; it’s about their personality too.

  • You’re like a math teacher from middle school, always saying ‘calcs’ instead of calculators!
  • You remind me of a middle school math teacher who’s obsessed with calling calculators ‘calcs’!

15. I’d ask you how your weekend was, but I’m pretty sure I already know the answer

Hint on the idea you know they probably didn’t do much because they don’t have many friends to hang out with. It’s like gently teasing them about their social life without being too harsh.

And the beauty of it is, you say it with a smile, so it’s all in good fun. It’s a bit like playfully poking fun at a friend’s quirks – you both know it’s just for laughs.

  • Bet your weekend was like a rerun, huh?

16. You’re a real lone ranger… without the horse or the cool mask

Compare them to the Lone Ranger. Lone Ranger is a famous character known for being alone but still relaxed.

However, with this line, you’re humorously pointing out that the person being roasted doesn’t have the cool things that make the Lone Ranger special, like his horse or his mask.

  • You’re like the Lone Ranger… but without the horse or the excellent outfit.
  • You’re a lone ranger, minus the horse and the swag.

17. I bet your pet rock gets more attention than you do

Everyone has felt ignored or overlooked at some point. But is it being outdone by a pet rock? That’s a whole new level of funny.

The good thing is that it’s meant to be playful, not mean-spirited. Even the person you’re roasting might crack a smile.

  • Even your pet rock steals the spotlight from you!
  • Your pet rock is the real MVP of your social circle!

18. You look like a person that gives out fruit on Halloween

Tell them they’re as unpopular as the person who gives out healthy snacks instead of candy on Halloween – not what most people want. This line catches them off guard and gets a good laugh because it’s unexpected.

So, if you like to roast someone playfully, this line is a great choice!

  • You’re like the Halloween house that hands out broccoli instead of candy.
  • You’re the person who brings apples to a Halloween party.

19. Your social calendar is as empty as a politician’s promises.

Compare their social life to politician’s empty words. Some things are funny because they are true. And that’s all about this punchline.

Politicians often make big promises they don’t keep, just like your friend might talk about plans that never happen.

It’s a clever way to point out their lack of social life.

People won’t forget this line easily. It’s the kind of joke that sticks in people’s minds.

  • You’ve got as many plans as a politician has followed through.
  • Your social life is like a politician’s promises – all talk, no action.

20. I’m sure if friendship was currency, you’d be bankrupt by now

After dropping this line, it wouldn’t need any explanation. And that’s what makes a roast funny — when everybody gets it!

It means if friendships were dollars, the person would be disadvantaged.

  • If friends were coins, you’d have an empty piggy bank!
  • If friendship were a game, you’d be playing solo on level zero!

Finally, It’s All About Delivery

Most of the lines we’ve looked at will be best delivered if done with a sly grin and a twinkle in your eye.

Remember, it’s not just about what you say but how you tell it.

With the right timing and tone, you’ll have everyone in stitches.

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