When you are very emotionally involved with someone and they are not or do not seem as committed to the relationship as you are, but want all the benefits that it brings to them, such a person is most probably just playing you.
Most people or guys who love to play with other people’s feelings may have developed such an attitude towards relationships due to a past hurt or trauma inflicted on them. That is however, no justification for putting you through such a roller coaster of emotions.
In most cases, these players feel a sort of power over their victims (in this case, you) and often wield that power (which you gave to them) against you.
This can be heartbreaking and very painful to accept. However, if you do find out that someone you have been committed to is only playing you, here are a few ways to handle it:
Here are different ways to respond to someone playing you:
- Say Nothing. As in absolutely nothing. Not even a simple goodbye.
- Be Direct; Tell him you cannot continue with someone who’s simply playing you.
- Block him
- Confront him
- Call him out; Albeit indirectly.
- Call him “a player” to his face
- Give him a second chance
- “I’m not up for games”
- “You can do better”
- “I’m not fine with your games”
- Use ‘I’ statements
- “Go to Hell!”
- “You are a jerk!”
- ‘I know it’s all been a game for you, but I don’t care anymore’
- Stay indifferent
- Go out and have fun without him
- Don’t play into his hands anymore
- Get a pet
- Move on and stand tall
- Try again
Say Nothing. As in absolutely nothing. Not even a simple goodbye
This might seem like the cowardly way out, but actually is the bravest and the best in my opinion. It takes a lot of will power and more to accomplish it. This option is especially useful if talking to him, breaking up with him or letting him go seems to be too hard for you.
You can choose to simply move on with your life without as much as a scarce glance backwards. Simply wash up that chapter and trash it. No closing remarks, nothing as tempting as it may be.
Whenever he calls you, do not pick up, if he sends texts to you, do not bother to respond to them and if you happen to bump into him on a night out or something, do not even bother to say hi to him. He sure does not deserve it or anything at all from you for that matter.
This is actually a passive form of breaking up, but he should get the message soon enough. You can block his number, delete it from your phone if you’d like.
Cry if you must, but only if and when you are completely sure that he was just leading you on or playing with your feelings. Do not give in (because you will be tempted) to call or text him or reach out to him in any way. Deaden yourself to him completely.
Be Direct; Tell him you cannot continue with someone who’s simply playing you.
This is probably the easiest way you can let him know that you do not wish to see him anymore.
You may choose to explain why you made this decision or you can choose to just break it off without saying too much to him, but enough to let him know he has made a mess of things and you’re not going to stick around to swallow it.
It’s all up to you to decide whether you discuss it with him and what you say to him at all.
You could face him head on and tell him, “I know that you have been playing me” or, “I know that you’re seeing other people/someone else behind my back”.
This would most definitely put him on the defensive side of things. He could deny it outrightly or lash back at you, and he could get the message. If he does get the hint (most narcissists do not seem to understand this language), he will not bother you anymore.
Call him out; Albeit indirectly.
If you can see that the relationship is not going anywhere meaningful, it is much better to break it off sooner, rather than later on when it will hurt even more.
Another good way to achieve this is to use indirect comments (instead of saying something like, “I don’t think we should keep seeing each other” or, “I don’t want to be with you anymore”, you could simply say something like, “you don’t seem to speak my love language and I can’t put up with that”.
Or “perhaps your side chick would like it better if left you both alone to do as you please”, to show him that you know what he has been up to all along. It is also a very good way to make him feel bad or remorseful for playing with your feelings.
Call him “a player” to his face
There is always the possibility that he might try to deny it, but it would be good of you if you do not let him fool you again. Close your ears and heart to his words, trust me he’s most probably good with them when he needs to.
Once he has realized that you know what’s up, he will understand that you do not want to see him or have anything to do with him anymore. He should be able to recognize ‘game up’, except if he’s too full of himself to see it anyways.
Give him a second chance
Sometimes, it might be too painful to let someone go even though you know quite well that they have been playing you all the while you thought you had something solid going.
You can try to salvage the situation if you’re willing to risk your heart one more time (not the best advice I would give you tho).
You will need to let him know that you want him to stop playing games with you and consciously commit to creating a serious relationship with you and you alone or else you’re through with him – and mean it!
“I’m not up for games”
This sends the message that you recognize what he is up to and will have no part in it. It takes two to tango after all. If he wants to dance, he can find another partner.
You may choose to say something like: “I want us to be exclusive, but you do not seem to be ready for that and so I don’t think we can continue to be in a relationship anymore”.
You need to tell him why you cannot continue to see him anymore and if he can’t give you that (his commitment), then it’s probably best for you to break it off with him.
“You can do better”
This is a powerful (in my opinion, dangerous) way of giving him a chance to redeem himself, without absolving him of what he has done or selling yourself short.
You must be careful not to place yourself in his hands anymore. You’re giving him a second chance, but on your terms. Good luck with that though.
“I’m not fine with your games”
Another way to face it if you find out he’s only playing you is to talk to him using I statements. Being direct with him or calling him out on his behavior might only prove effective to rile him up.
If you wish to keep him off the defensive or you are not ready to say goodbye for good, you can try to make a more productive conversation.
This is a subtle way of calling him out or confronting him without getting heated. It also helps bite at his conscience (supposing he has one anyway).
Use ‘I’ statements
You might use “I” statements as you attempt to explain what he has done wrong (which he should know by the way). He’ll probably be more open to hearing you out if you go about it this way since it won’t grate on his pride and ego (if they matter more to you than your own self).
For example, instead of saying, ‘You won’t/don’t want to commit to me,’ try saying, ‘When you say you can’t commit to me, I feel like I’m not good enough for you.’
“Go to Hell!”
When you find someone you’ve been with was only playing you, it hurts deep in a way you do not forget in a haste. If it does help you release all your pent up feelings and pains, you could as well look him in the eye and tell him to go to hell. I would love to anyway.
“You are a jerk!”
Let him know how badly he has treated you thus far and tell you had just enough of his trash to fill you for a hundred lifetimes. Now the downside of this is that he may try to guilt trip you into staying around.
It would help you to remember as you talk to him that you’re the one in the right here and that you are only doing what you feel is best for yourself. Do not let him impact your self esteem either.
Try to keep all the not so good things he’s done before in the relationship at the forefront of your mind. This helps to fortify your heart if and when he seems to get upset or whines about you ending the relationship
‘I know it’s all been a game for you, but I don’t care anymore’
This response sends a message that whatever power he thinks he has over you is gone. It doesn’t mean you’ll hang around to be used like a cheap tissue and thrown in the garbage afterwards. It helps you take the power you gave him over you and walk away with your head up high.
It might really help for you to stay indifferent to his tantrums (or snide remarks). You see, guys who enjoy playing these mind games may like to get their victims riled up too sometimes.
He might say some hurtful or spiteful things just to get back at you or just to get a form of reaction from you. Try to stay calm, act indifferent and do not even show that you are one teeny bit upset by anything he says or does.
Don’t give him that satisfaction. If you do start to feel worked up, take a few deep breaths and count to 10 in your head. Remember that reacting in any way gives him power over you.
Go out and have fun without him
Show him that he no longer means a pin to you. Let him see that you are not bothered by the breakup with him in the least. Hang out with your own friends, take tons of pictures to post on social media for him to see. Don’t be too obvious either.
Don’t play into his hands anymore
Breaking up with a player doesn’t always go well. He may try to rule you up by going out with other girls. Show him you don’t care, smile and introduce yourself if you will to her. Warn your friends about him, in the event he makes a move on one of them, but do not confront him.
Get a pet
It might help to place your attention on something else. Get yourself a pet that suits your personality and bond with it.
Move on and stand tall
put it all behind you and get out of the situation in as much of one piece as you can and as soon as you can. Save yourself the extra trauma. If he texts you to hang out again, ignore it. He no longer exists to you.
If you think that you’re ready to date, you may try meeting new people again. It may not have been anything serious, especially since you’re still reeling from your breakup. You can simply take a chance and meet up with a new guy for coffee or a drink, but not dinner. Once bitten twice shy.
No matter how madly in love with him you may be, it is not advisable that you continue to stay in such a relationship and by doing so, lose your self-worth, self-esteem and self-image. Do what is best for you and you alone, which is quite simple – LEAVE!
However, this is only after you are completely sure, beyond any iota of doubt that he has truly been playing you all along. Good luck baby girl, you’re a survivor!